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| Xanga, my zhanga.
The End.
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To Whom It May Concern:
Thank you, gurus of education, for providing me today with
the exquisite opportunity to attend my august institute of education. Eager as I am to absorb endless amounts of
knowledge, I welcome your obstinate and defiant refusal to close school despite
nearly every other school system doing the opposite. This admirable stand for students’ rights is worthy of the
highest praise. Your dedication to our
education is commendable.
…As is also your concern for our safety. We would, of course, be much safer in school
than at home; I would like to give especial thanks to the buses you provided,
which helped transport us over the black ice that covered some parts of the
road. The three times I slipped helped
teach me that I should just allow gravity to take its course, as that is the
least painful way to fall. This
valuable experience will stay with me for the rest of my life, in the event
that I should go to school on frozen roads and sidewalks.
Additionally, your urgency and thoughtfulness in allowing me
to go to school today has helped emphasize the lessons taught in driving
school, an institution which almost rivals you and yours in usefulness and
popularity. Having just finished a lesson on
driving in extreme conditions, I, through the opportunity you provided, was
able to experience firsthand the difficulties of an icy road.
I also understand that, knowing full well that the weather would only
get worse, you still send us to school because every scrap of education
matters. Especially since, with your
late announcement of an early release, I had to miss a class entirely. But obviously this was engineered so that I would
have optimal time in other classes.
In short, I would again like to thank you for your opening of MCPS
schools today; I hope you continue your hard work.
Yours truly,
Astu D. Ent
PS: You have great weather prediction skills
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| With the continuing and unabating (but debated) controversy of
Intelligent Design/Creationism vs. Evolution still hotly being
contested on both sides, I find that it is about time a new, heretofore
undiscovered theory, made an appearance. This theory, which
brilliantly answers all "explain this!" challenges from both sides, was
hatched approximately...4.769536019536019536019536 times ten to the
negative 7 years ago. And I don't know how to superscript in
Xanga. So it will be left as that. If you are a Magnet, you
have probably already whipped out your calculator and found that, yes,
that is about 15 seconds. If you are not a Magnet, and did that
anyway, I am eternally ashamed of you.
This theory, henceforth dubbed Extraterrestrials Attempting To Make Yucky Species Having Obviously Retarded TheorieS, will
be fully described in the following text. In short, taking every
bolded letter, that is EATMYSHORTS, or EMS for the sake of convenience.
And now, without further ado, presenting E A T M Y S H O R T S:
The first premise of EMS is that evolution can, and does
happen. However, all is not as it seems. The Creationists
are not entirely wrong. Although to reach our current point of
existence, evolution was needed, the basis for life on Earth--the
so-called primordial soup--was established by a higher order of
beings. That's right. Life on Earth was made possible by
ALIENS (Awesome Likable Invincible Extraterrestrial NincompoopS).
There is a great irony inherent in their name, given that they are
incredibly intelligent. But that is a discussion for another day.
These ALIENS, as it were, got tired of being the only sentient beings
in the universe. So they set about creating "experiments" on many
planets. On Earth, for example, through an ingenius mix of
derived extraterrestrial substances, they were able to manufacture the
"primordial soup" and thus set in motion the process of
evolution. Now, to us, four billion years is a long time, but for
immortal beings like them--they had long since deciphered the secret to
immortality--it is but a blink of their three eyes. After setting
evolution into motion on our planet, to see if this particular mixture
of chemicals and elements could result in sentient beings, they moved
on to other planets.
It is presumptuous to think that we are the only sentient beings, and
the only experiment. Of course, they had to try other
combinations as well, and since they do reproduce, they pretty much
have an infinite number of projects going on and being monitored.
Venus turned out to be a failure. Originally, they had planned
for Earth's and Venus' beings to interact galactically, but their
combination for Venus was off by a bit, and blew up and formed the
intense atmosphere that keeps Venus superheated.
So now you know. The "God" that everyone refers to is actually a
group of beings called ALIENS. In fact, a group is probably
watching our progress right now, seeing what we will do. They are
so adept at cloaking and other unspeakably advanced technologies that
they may walk among us and we wouldn't even know. Instinctively,
every creature believes at some point that there may be a higher being
involved in the machinations of the world, and that is because, in the
distant past, in their memory of memories, they unconsciously recall in
the very core of their being, that they did orginate from the
experiment of ALIENS.
This concludes Allen Zhang's Theory of Everything for today. Join us next time as further mysteries are revealed.
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| This is officially my favorite song right now.
Thanks Brian.
Oh, and everyone who doesn't watch this is a loser.
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-4504070262523794092&q=last+christmas&hl=en
Chorus:
Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day, You gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special
Last Christmas, I gave you my heart
But the very next day, You gave it away
This year, to save me from tears
I'll give it to someone special
Once bitten and twice shy
I keep my distance but you still catch my eye
Tell me baby do you recognise me?
Well it's been a year, it doesn't surprise me
(Happy Christmas!) I wrapped it up and sent it
With a note saying "I Love You" I meant it
Now I know what a fool I've been
But if you kissed me now I know you'd fool me again
Chorus
(Oooh. Oooh Baby)
A crowded room, friends with tired eyes
I'm hiding from you and your soul of ice
My God I thought you were someone to rely on
Me? I guess I was a shoulder to cry on
A face on a lover with a fire in his heart
A man undercover but you tore me apart
Oooh Oooh
Now I've found a real love you'll never fool me again
Chorus
A face on a lover with a fire in his heart
(Gave you my heart)
A man undercover but you tore me apart
Next year
I'll give it to someone, I'll give it to someone special
special
someone
someone
I'll give it to someone, I'll give it to someone special
who'll give me something in return
I'll give it to someone
hold my heart and watch it burn
I'll give it to someone, I'll give it to someone special
I've got you here to stay
I can love you for a day
I thought you were someone special
gave you my heart
I'll give it to someone, I'll give it to someone
last christmas I gave you my heart
you gave it away
I'll give it to someone, I'll give it to someone
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| There is an acme at the end of those four years, which is commonly
known as graduation. Nevertheless, each senior will go through a
passage way -- a purgatory, if you will -- that comes (to most) as a
welcome reward for the years of pain. 2007, we're at the threshold of
second senior semester. Four years in high school
culminate another glorious achievement--being a second semester
senior. No, wait. A Second Semester Senior.
But the road there is long and arduous, with pitfalls and twists and
turns galore. Each year comes with it new challenges, new obstacles,
and new ways to fail. But all is not gloom and doom.
After the trial by fire that is commonly referred to as Junior Year, I
(and you, too, I'm sure) expected to be liberated from homework,
grades, and lack of sleep. Alas, it is not to be. As the year began,
it began to dawn, slowly but surely, that Senior Year is not quite what
we imagined. Instead of parties we find study sessions. Instead of
chilling, we find ourselves filling out college apps. This first
quarter, so incredibly reminiscent of Junior Year's Scholastic Hell,
has finally come to a close. But we have only just begun to run the
Guantlet of College Apps. There are still more horrors to come.
We've pushed through first quarter (almost), and we've just begun the prelude into the purgatory.
During this second quarter, we're meant to file away not only our
(unfortunately numerous, and still not done) college apps, but our last
real academic commitment for the rest of the year. After those big and
frightfully orange envelopes are finally sealed, our fates along with
them, we have no choice but to sit on our hands before we face the
infamous college adcoms' wrath and kindness. Sure, there are
"commitments," but this interlude between our high school careerand the
real world begs an interesting question: what are we supposed to do
with this newfound freedom? It seems like reflection is a good place
to start.
So, in fact, what have we really
gained from our years in high school? Our three years of hard work
have yet to pay off. Just as we emerge more or less intact from 11th
grade, looking forward to a bright next year, fate cruelly squashes our
hopes under, not just college apps, but other work as well--Intel, SRP,
clubs, to name a few. And on top of that, colleges actually look at
first semester grades. Just when we thought we were free, the great
Being of Irony decides to foil us once again. Though we have already
suffered, at varying levels of pain, for three years, this last couple
of months will be by far the hardest to succeed in.
After first quarter, it seems like first quarter of our senior year
came down to one thing: recognition. This theme has been prevalent,
if not rampant, in all of our senior-ly activities; we're supposed to
enter prestigious competitions, run the school, squabble over colleges,
and serve as mentors to the naive freshmen.
Currently, we're being put in a vulnerable and exceedingly
uncomfortable position (it's worse than having to deal with an angry,
very Jewish, and very...[something] math teache (<=== this was Merlyn, btw). And we're up for
the challenge. We'll face these unearthly pressures, and we should
want something in return.
But what we really want is to let loose. To not have to worry about
GPA, or SAT, or the next big Physics test. We--or at least, I--want to
be able to sit back, slack off, not care, and laugh at everyone else
with smug smirks, saying such obnoxious things as, "I remember when I used
to have to worry about that" or "OOOO AHHH You wish you were a
senior." Such is the position of the SSS; such is the goal we are
striving for. Take heart, fellow seniors. We are almost there. Keep
the holy grail of SSS shining brightly in your minds, and, despite the
hardhips we suffer now, we shall overcome.
The delicious title of "Second Semester Senior" gives us every right;
at this turning point in our lives, the .01 grade point difference
means nothing in contrast to what we should be doing. SSS presents us
with a spectacular luxury that even college students don't have. The
non-commital nature of SSS means any involvement, to any degree. While
that type of "versatility" has been equated with slackerness, we prefer
to call it our "liberation."
To quote a brilliant pop song, "I can see us on the countryside,
sitting on the grass side by side." Except, not really. I can see us
sitting in downtown Silver Spring, partying in Math help (...so sad,
but so true), chilling in the senior courtyard, and a salaciously
fantastic host of other SSS activities. Can you imagine it? One of
us, at least, can't wait for her illicit love affair with "Lost" to
truly begin.
So, me hearties, take the famous Latin words, "Carpe Diem," as your new
mantra. As we exit our nearly 12-year trial period into the transition
phase (dude, this is like phase changing), keep cool and let's work (to
not work) to raise ourselves to new heights. Whether that means
slacking off and partying as much as possible, helping out the school
or community, or just basking in the calm before the storm known as
college, be ready for it. Look forward to it, ladies and gentlemen.
With that said, we leave you with a sonnet, written by our resident
funny man/pokemon master (No volleyball references intended).
Inspiration (read: nagging) given by resident short Asian girl.
Ode to Second Semester Seniordom
Four grades, but not the same in dignity
In Monty B, where we lay our scene
From freshman year break to senior'ty
Where each successive year is less keen
From forth the hardships of these three years
Arrive here, finally free of grades' strife
Our misadventures and our unshed tears
Gone, cleaned by new meaning to high school life
The fearful passage, effort to improve
And the continuance of being sage
Which, till our schooling's end, nought could remove
Is testament to our advancing age
So bask in this last year in Montgomery
Sec'nd Semester Senior-dom makes you free
-Two very stressed and bored SENIORS.
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